Bitey the Shark |
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Not all who wander are lost...
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Tuesday, October 28, 2003
OH KOBE... No, that's not what the girl said.... it's what I'm saying. Please opt out of your contract and leave the Lakers at the end of the season. Heck, the Lakers shouldn't even wait until then. Obviously, no team will take Kobe until his legal problems are resolved. But if Kobe is still a free man when the trial concludes, make the offer... Kobe for Tracy McGrady straight up. OPENING MINDS... This is easily one of the more brilliant articles I've read in quite some time. Give it a read. Friday, October 24, 2003
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
THE KID AND THE BOX CUTTERS... It doesn't really matter where you come down on this college kid smuggling the box cutters on the planes thing, you've got to admit its pretty funny. The TSA lawyer standing there talking about how serious and dangerous the stunt was, all the while knowing that his organization had information about the incident for five weeks, but was too stupid to do anything about it. Is the kid a danger, no. Should he be charged, yes. Is John Ashcroft chomping at the bit to label him an "enemy combatant" so he will have no rights at trial? You betcha. That last sentence was a joke... I hope. If you ask me, slap the kid with jail time, then suspend the sentence. Nothing gained by sending the kid to the hole. But the whole situation isn't really a joke. There are some fundamental answers that the TSA should be forced to answer. 1. Five weeks is a loooooong time. But what I find so interesting is the media is only focusing on the "five weeks" aspect. Read the story carefully... "DiBiagio said two other packages with dangerous items were recovered on Southwest planes in April, in Tampa and Raleigh-Durham, but he did not elaborate on how they were found." So similar items were found on two other planes in APRIL, and still nothing was done until now. The kid sends an e-mail telling the TSA exactly where to find the dangerous items. He gives them the dates, flight numbers, and everything. They accidentally stumble upon the stuff on two of the planes, find a note attached outlining where other items can be found, and they still don't check the rest of his planes? Five weeks is a long time for the TSA to be sitting around doing nothing. But last time I checked, six months is even longer! 2. This whole thing reminds me of the sniper case last year. You have frontline agents who aren't trained or motivated to do their job properly. And apparently this complacent attitude starts at the top... "We do not expect ever to have 100 percent screening at the checkpoints... Amateur testing like this does not in any way assist us or show us where we have flaws in our system." That's TSA Deputy Administrator Steven McHale talking. Well Steven, I'll tell you how "amateur testing like this" does help you. It tells you who the fuck to fire! Trace the kid's e-mail and trace everyone "investigating" the items found in April and you fire their asses. More than 3000 people die on September 11, 2001... Anthrax drops a few more along the East Coast... A gunman shoots up the El Al airport desk at LAX... a leak jeopardizes national security... and hundreds are killed or wounded following flawed itelligence into Iraq. All that, and to my knowlegde no one has ever been fired. Some were even rewarded with bigger budgets and billions more dollars to blow. Must be the Bush Way of accountability. A remarkable thing happens when people know their employers neither expect perfection, nor shun failure. They fail. Tuesday, October 21, 2003
AND... THE TRIFECTA!!! Now Fox throws David Cassidy at us for God Bless America. All because he is going to be appearing on the Fox sitcom Malcolm in the Middle soon. Jesus! Did you hear that? Actually, did you see him? That was a nightmare! And the worst part is that I'm not even watching the game. I just keep flipping to it to check the score! EVEN MORE SHOCKING... A huge sporting event takes place in South Florida and the promotional people pull a real fast one on the viewing public. They surprise everyone by booking Gloria Estefan to sing the national anthem! Really, I didn't see that one coming. Not for one second. SHOCKING... Fox uses the intro of World Series Game 3, a tribute of American sports, to hype Fox's new Russell Crowe movie. Delightfully distasteful, unskillfully transparent. Tuesday, October 14, 2003
BILLY F-ING GOAT??? I can't believe this. The Cubs are leading 3-0 and cruising to victory... the crowd out on Waveland is getting restless... the world is beautiful. Enter: Jackass fan down the left-field line. Butterfingers prevents Moises Alou from making out number 2, and the wheels proceed to fall off. Result: 8-run eighth inning for the Marlins!!! Adding insult to injury: It's the top of the ninth, the Cubs still have one inning to clinch it, and Fox rolls a promo for tomorrow's Game 7. They don't even put up the courtesy "If Necessary" asterisk! They know. To the bottom of the ninth we go! Sunday, October 12, 2003
A NEW KIND OF WMD... DOBERMAN PINSCHERS??? Rarely do I read any newspaper article and react with equal parts rage and humor. (I'd say I was shocked and awed, but, well... you know). Nevertheless, that was the case when I read the article in yesterday's Washington Post about Dick Cheney's latest speech defending his Iraq policy. From start to finish, I laughed and I cried. For that reason, I'm just gonna clip the whole thing here and pick it apart with my observations (in all caps). Vice President Cheney capped a White House effort to regain its equilibrium over the Iraq occupation by delivering a blistering rebuttal yesterday to critics of the administration's foreign policy and arguing that a consensus-based foreign policy is obsolete. After several weeks of domestic and international criticism of President Bush's policy of attacking potential threats, Cheney struck back forcefully by calling the U.N. Security Council's 50-year tradition of giving permanent members a veto a "policy of doing exactly nothing." IF THE U.N. SECURITY COUNCIL IS SUCH A DO NOTHING GROUP OF SLACKERS, THEN SURELY CHENEY WOULDN'T MIND IF THE U.N. DID WHAT BITEYTHESHARK SUGGESTED BACK ON SEPTEMBER 10TH... TAKE AWAY OUR PERMANENT STATUS ON THE SECURITY COUNCIL The vice president's acerbic speech went well beyond milder versions delivered in the past two days by Bush and national security adviser Condoleezza Rice. The address, to the Heritage Foundation in Washington, was the last of a trio of speeches designed to rebuild public support for the occupation of Iraq, which has been slipping because of ongoing violence, a lack of international support and a failure to find weapons of mass destruction. The public-relations offensive came as the administration fought to silence concerns in Congress over its $87 billion request for military and reconstruction efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, and as U.S. diplomats confronted the possibility that they would call off efforts to win a new U.N. resolution backing the occupation. But while Bush asked the nation on Thursday to be more optimistic and look beyond the negative headlines from Iraq, Cheney barely mentioned the hardships in Iraq. Instead, he took aim at Democrats and foreign leaders, such as French President Jacques Chirac and U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan, who have raised objections to U.S. "unilateralism." Cheney blasted the criticism "that the United States, when its security is threatened, may not act without unanimous international consent" -- a clear reference to U.N. procedures, under which "the mere objection of even one foreign government would be sufficient to prevent us from acting. THAT LAST ONE IS ONE OF THE MORE ENTERTAINING CHENEY QUOTES FROM THE ARTICLE. "WHEN ITS SECURITY IS THREATENED" IS THE KEY PART OF THAT SENTENCE. MAYBE CHENEY HAS BEEN SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME IN HIS "UNDISCLOSED LOCATION," BUT MOST OF THE WORLD READ DAVID KAY'S RECENT REPORT AND REALIZED KAY FOUND NO EVIDENCE THAT SADDAM WAS REALLY AN IMMINENT THREAT TO THE UNITED STATES. AN IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER ABOUT KAY IS THAT HE WAS BUSH AND CO.'S GUY... BUT MORE ON THAT LATER. "Though often couched in high-sounding terms of unity and cooperation, it is a prescription for perpetual disunity and obstructionism," Cheney said, adding that this would "confer undue power" on dissenters, "while leaving the rest of us powerless to act in our own defense. Yet we continue to hear this attitude in arguments in our own country -- so often, and so conveniently, it amounts to a policy of doing exactly nothing." Cheney's speech was an uncompromising argument that far exceeded what other figures in the administration have asserted. Cheney, for example, dismissed a dozen years of inspections, patrolling of no-fly zones and strikes against military targets in Iraq, saying "all of these measures failed." WHAT WORLD IS CHENEY LIVING IN? "ALL OF THESE MEASURES FAILED," BUT... David Kay, the chief U.S. weapons inspector in Iraq, presented a different view in his congressional testimony last week. For example, he said: "Information found to date suggests that Iraq's large-scale capability to develop, produce, and fill new CW [chemical weapons] munitions was reduced -- if not entirely destroyed -- during Operations Desert Storm and Desert Fox, 13 years of U.N. sanctions and U.N. inspections." Cheney outlined several findings from the Kay report yesterday that, while finding no actual weapons of mass destruction, found items that could have been used to create such weapons. The vice president cited equipment "suitable for" chemical and biological weapons research; prison laboratories "possibly used" for human testing of biological weapons; a microorganism "which can be used" to make biological weapons; "BW-applicable" materials; "not fully declared" aerial drones; and "design work" for missiles and "attempts" to acquire missile technology. READ THAT LAST PARAGRAPH AGAIN AND MAKE LITTLE "AIR QUOTES" WITH YOUR FINGERS EVERY TIME YOU READ CHENEY'S QUOTED PHRASES. THE WASHINGTON POST WRITERS ARE TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU'D THINK THE ADMINISTRATION WOULD HAVE LEARNED FROM THE WHOLE "16 WORDS" THING, BUT SINCE THEY HAVEN'T, LISTEN UP. ANY TIME YOU HEAR AN ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL UTTER PHRASES LIKE "SUITABLE FOR... POSSIBLY USED... WHICH CAN BE USED... BW-APPLICABLE..." IMMEDIATELY ASSUME THEY ARE FULL OF SHIT. THEY USE PHRASES LIKE THAT WHEN THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT WHAT THEY ARE TELLING YOU. "Now, ladies and gentlemen, each and every one of these findings confirms a material breach by the former Iraqi regime of U.N. Security Council Resolution 1441," Cheney said. "Taken together, they constitute a massive breach of that unanimously passed resolution, and provide a compelling case for the use of force against Saddam Hussein." THE NEXT FEW PARAGRAPHS ARE WHERE THE POST WRITERS EXHIBIT SOME OF THE DILLIGENT REPORTING SO MANY JOURNALISTS MATCHED IN THE BUILD UP TO THE INVASION. BACK THEN, AN ADMINSTRATION OFFICIAL WOULD MAKE A STATEMENT AND REPORTERS WOULDN'T BALANCE THE STATEMENT WITH KNOWN EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY. But some of the items Cheney cited from Kay's report as violations remain unconfirmed. The prison laboratory story was first explored in 1998 by U.N. inspectors. Kay said U.S. inspectors still did not have enough evidence or witnesses "that would indicate that in fact that's what they [the prison facilities] were used for." Similarly, a former U.N. inspector said that in the past, investigators in Iraq were continually discovering technical equipment that had not been declared or tagged "because almost any lab equipment is dual purpose." And experts say the drones Cheney cited probably could not travel far enough to violate U.N. requirements and were not designed to carry weapons. Cheney made only one mention of evidence that Iraq had a nuclear program. The allegation had been central to the administration's case for going to war, noting that the "smoking gun" from Hussein could be a "mushroom cloud." Before the war, Cheney said Hussein had "reconstituted" his nuclear weapons program. Kay's testimony noted: "Despite evidence of Saddam's continued ambition to acquire nuclear weapons, to date we have not uncovered evidence that Iraq undertook significant post-1998 steps to actually build nuclear weapons or produce fissile material." HERE'S THE THING ABOUT DAVID KAY... HE WAS THE ADMINSTRATION'S CHOICE TO CONDUCT THE POST-INVASION INSPECTIONS. HANS BLIX PATROLLED IRAQ WHILE SADDAM WAS STILL IN POWER AND HE WAS UNABLE TO FIND ANY DAMNING EVIDENCE AGAINST SADDAM. THE ADMINISTRATION THOUGHT BLIX WAS SUCH A BUMBLING IDIOT, THAT THEY WANTED THEIR OWN GUY ON THE GROUND IN IRAQ AFTER THE INVASION. KAY HAS HAD SIX MONTHS TO ROAM IRAQ UN-IMPEDED. NOW THAT HE HASN'T FOUND ANYTHING, CHENEY AND COMPANY ARE SCREWED BECAUSE THEY CAN'T ASSAULT HIS CREDIBILTY. Cheney did not dispute that finding, but noted the discovery of equipment in scientists' homes "that would have been useful in resuming uranium enrichment by centrifuge and electromagnetic isotope separation." Kay had said that despite interviews with scientists involved, "the evidence does not tie any activity directly to centrifuge research or development." THERE'S ONE OF THOSE PHRASES AGAIN... "THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN USEFUL..." THIS TIME IT IS IMMEDIATELY REFUTED BY KAY'S FINDINGS. The vice president's speech had harsh words for Bush's critics. He portrayed those who objected to the president's "preemption" policy as opening the United States to attack. Bush "will not permit gathering threats to become certain tragedies," Cheney said, adding that "weakness and drift and vacillation in the face of danger invite attacks." AND "BRING 'EM ON" DOESN'T INVITE ATTACKS??? Still, Cheney's stout defense of preemption struck a different tone even from other top Bush officials. In a speech last month, Secretary of State Colin L. Powell said Bush's strategy is much more than preemption. "Above all, the president's strategy is a strategy of partnerships," he said. "It strongly affirms the vital role of the partnerships that we have throughout the world -- our partnerships with NATO, our partnership with the United Nations and with so many other precious alliances that we have created over the last 50 years." "PARTNERSHIPS"... "PREEMPTION"... WHATEVER... Cheney, predicting that "historians will look back on our time and pay tribute to our 43rd president," told his audience of a videotape that showed Hussein allowing two Doberman pinschers to eat a general alive. "Those who declined to support the liberation of Iraq would not deny the evil of Saddam Hussein's regime," he said. "They must concede, however, that had their own advice been followed, that regime would rule Iraq today." THAT LAST PARAGRAPH IS THE REAL KICKER. IF THE POST WRITERS MEANT FOR IT TO BE FUNNY, THEN KUDOS. BUT IF NOT, THAT DOBERMAN ANECDOTE IS THE KING OF UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY. I CAN'T BELIEVE CHENEY WOULD ACTUALLY GO TO THE "VICIOUS DOBERMAN PINSCHERS = THE GUY MUST HAVE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION" CARD. IF SOME DICTATOR IS EVIL ENOUGH TO LET TWO DOGS DEVOUR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, THEN SURELY IT MUST BE WORTH SPENDING HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS OF DOLLARS AND HELPING THE U.S. ECONOMY PLUMMET TO GET RID OF HIM. Wednesday, October 08, 2003
LANCE ARMSTRONG... BASEBALL PLAYER??? How come no one told me Lance Armstrong traded the Yellow Jersey for a Jeff Conine jersey and started playing left-field for the Florida Marlins? SPEAKING OF TIMELY... I just got done watching CNN's Crossfire. While the show focused on Arnold's victory, I think the directors missed a more interesting story... As most D.C. residents know, Crossfire is usually taped at George Washington University here in the district. There is a live audience that tends to cheer or boo comments made on the show as they deem fit. Judging by the cheers and boos today, the audience leaned a bit to the left. During the viewer e-mail segment of the show, one of the hosts read an e-mail that slammed President Bush's Iraq policy. The crowd roared its approval. No big deal... except when the camera panned to the audience, most of them were men and women in military uniform! Unfortunately, the cameras never showed the audience as it cheered, but judging from the volume of the anti-Bush roar, there is no way all the servicepeople were sitting there quietly. Military personnel loudly cheering against the Cowboy in Chief? Very interesting. BACK IN BUSINESS... After three weeks on the porch, I'm back. A ton of events have cried out to be covered over the past three weeks, but I'm gonna stick to topics and issues that remain timely. |