Bitey the Shark |
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Not all who wander are lost...
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Friday, April 18, 2003
LOONEY WHTIE SOX FANS... Obviously, the conduct of fans at this week's White Sox game was deplorable. Some people are trying to come up with ideas of how to curtail these troubles. While I don't know all the answers, I do have one suggestion. Fine the teams. Jayson Stark is right when he says that teams will never take the step of ending beer sales. That's fine. Let them keep the beer money. Just make them dole some of that same money out when they fail to keep fans under control. When fans invade the field in English soccer, it is the home team that is held accountable and investigated. The clear solution is increased security. The problem is that baseball teams don't always want to pay for that increase. Make the fine more expensive for a team than the cost of security to avoid fan invasion, and you will see fan invasion diminish dramatically. EMBEDDING THE MEDIA... Though the "hot war" has cooled off, many people are still talking about how the Arab world witnessed one conflict in Iraq, and America saw another. Al-Jazeera and other Arab world networks showed the up-close death and gore that is warfare. Criticize them if you want, but ask yourself this question... with all the reporters that were embedded with coalition forces, how come none of them showed bloodied or killed coalition forces? Don't tell me journalists were never there when coalition forces got hit. Surely there were cameras within filming distance of some pretty horrific scenes. The war Americans saw was edited. It was clean. It was a cakewalk. Whatever happened to objective journalism? Why didn't western journalists show everything they saw. Why not let the viewers see the truth so they could decide for themselves how "easy" war can be? ROY WILLIAMS... Though I like the Tar Heels, I am still disappointed Roy Williams left Kansas to take over the program at Chapel Hill. I like Roy Williams and I feel he had already begun his own coaching legacy. Twenty years from now, I'm convinced the college basketball world would be talking about "Roy Williams Disciples", the same way they already speak of Dean Smith and Bob Knight offspring. I'm sure Williams will do well at UNC, but from now on, he is just the "next family guy" for the Tar Heels. Judging from the last two paragraphs in this article, something tells me Andy Katz agrees with me. The days of Williams building his own legacy are over. HE'S GONE... So Michael Jordan has retired... for the last time? Hopefully. A lot of people are asking the question this week about whether people will even remember he played his last few seasons here in Washington. Rather than ask if they will remember MJ with the Wizards, I ask, who would really want them to remember? BUSY, BUSY, BUSY... Sorry for the lapse in my blog. The next three weeks are incredibly busy for me at the office. I apologize in advance, as keeping my blogs coming daily might be difficult. With that said... the next bit might not be the most timely, but its what I would have posted over the last week or so, had I had the time... Tuesday, April 15, 2003
FUNNY QUOTE OF THE WEEK... "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the 3 most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'." -Chris Rock Monday, April 14, 2003
THE GROUPIE CURVE... Carrot Top, Robert Blake, Hootie, New Edition... Your probably wondering what the hell the three above have in common. Well, to be honest, I'm sure not a whole lot... except groupies. Over the weekend, my buddy Radley and I were sitting around watching TV when one of those annoying 1-800 COLLECT commercials came on featuring Carrot Top. If you don't know who Carrot Top is, check out Radley's blog, he provides a photo. All those commercials are terrible, but they do serve the purpose of making obvious just how frightening Carrot Top can be. Take a good look at him... that hair... those beady little eyes... that stretched around the sides face. Yikes. So naturally I asked, "Do you think even Carrot Top has groupies?" My buddy says yes, I say no way. I guess you can refer to the comments of Radley's blog about Carrot Top if you really want to know the answer, but I think the discussion brings up a much more interesting question. At what point in the bell curve of celebrity does the quality of one's groupies reach the breaking point in terms of attractiveness? Clearly, when a celebrity is at the peak of their fame, their world is a target-rich environment. Look at Kid Rock. Right now, he can bang any rocket bod he wants. Five years from now? Probably still pretty quality. Ten? Fifteen? Twenty? What are the factors that figure into the Groupie Curve? Is it the nature of the fame... actor, athlete, rock star? Is it age? Looks? I don't know, but here are some cases I do know about... Robert Blake: Obviously time didn't treat his groupie-curve too well. At the peak of Baretta's popularity, this guy could have walked into any bar in Santa Monica and easily done pretty well for himself. But look at the quality he ended up resorting to. Bonnie Bakley, god rest her soul, was no cat's meow. Rough on the eyes and, my instincts tell me, not very much going on upstairs. Any time a groupie gives you a kid, a marriage, and life behind bars, that is not good times. Hootie and the Blowfish: An interesting case study... During the mid-1990's, at the pinnacle of their Cracked Rear View fame, these guys were untouchable. No group could get the kind of tail they could. Darius Rucker, the loveable frontman, backed by a band of down-to-earth guys that seemed like normal beer-drinking fellas. I was jealous of them and undoubtedly, the ladies took a liking to them. I graded their place on the Groupie Curve at a show in San Diego in 2001. Yes, I know. Make all the fun you want out of me going to see them 5 to 6 years after they were cool, but I don't care... good tunes, fun time. Seeing as how they were playing at a tiny 500 person venue, I was a bit concerned about their Groupie Curve decline when I was able to secure six tickets to the show a day in advance. Sure they had put out a couple of not so stellar follow-up albums, but these guys used to sellout 30,000 seat stadiums! My friends and I ended up having a great time, and as the show went on, I realized that Hootie and the boys were still riding rather high on the Groupie Curve. Loads of San Diego's Finest were lining the edge of the stage making clear their membership on the Go Team. Darius had them all in the palm of his hand as he sat on the edge of the stage and belted out the hits. Hootie and the Blowfish does bring up one noteworthy side topic. Remember Sonny, the long-haired, fun loving drummer? Surely he still gets recognized and milks the locks for all they are worth, but what would happen if he cut them. Does Sonny with a buzz cut have as easy a time with the ladies? Hmmm? Nevertheless, an excellent concert and a superb demonstration of staying popwer by H and the B. New Edition: Good looks, hip harmonies, cardigan sweaters, sweet fades... in the 1980's these guys were silky smooth. Then Bobby Brown left the group. to be continued Friday, April 11, 2003
STAND BACK... I'M GETTING LOOSE A question has been wrangling inside my mind for weeks. I’m still not sure I’ve been able to settle it, but here it is: Is a coalition cakewalk in Iraq a good thing? I’ve posted before about how stupid I feel some anti-war personalities were to abandon their dove-ness just because the bombs started falling. Aside from being a cajone-less, can’t beat ‘em might as well join ‘em concept, I feel these people simply lacked the ability to see things on a larger scale. This administration’s diplomatic blunders on the march to Iraq were grotesque, but they might have been just a glimpse of a much more frightening future. Baghdad was merely the first bean in the burrito that is the Bush Doctrine. Now I’m not stupid. Once fighting started, my heart wanted as many American troops to escape unscathed as possible. But I am also a bottom line kind of guy. I don’t like mass death and destruction. Whatever course leads to the fewest dead people (regardless of their race, religion or nationality), is the course I like to follow. Something tells me that much of the global community feels the same way I do. If we only talked about toppling Iraq, then returning to our peaceful ways, I don’t think the world would be so weary of America. However, it is our threat to police the world as we see fit that had led to international contempt. The problem with a coalition cakewalk is that too many people will feel the urge to do it all over again. An America that views war as some kind of 24-hour reality TV show is an America that provides fertile soil for the concoction of further expeditions. Iran, Syria, Pakistan, North Korea, it doesn’t matter what country is next, bring ‘em on! If the remainder of the “hot war” and policing of Baghdad is easy, Rumsfeld, Cheney, et al will set Bush’s eyes on their next target. When do we stop? Say we roll through Iran and walk over Syria. How far do we press our luck? Do we roll the dice against a bigger dog in the fight named Kim Jong Il? It would be best for this coalition in Iraq to emerge victorious, but weary. Does that mean that I want coalition body counts to sky rocket? Maybe… maybe not. I just don’t like the idea of warring with country after country until we finally get our asses kicked! Sure casualties thus far have only been in the hundreds. Conceivably, we could pounce on Syria and Iran with even fewer losses. But how brilliant will the Bush Doctrine look if it lures us into a tangle with North Korea and our “trip-wire” force of 36,000 troops on the Korean peninsula is turned to mincemeat? Remember, I’m a bottom line, numbers kind of guy. If we have to lose another thousand troops or so in Iraq in order to cool the salivating of hawks within the administration, then that is a hard, but valuable loss for us to take. It’s valuable because I can see the big picture. A thousand or so casualties now are far better than tens of thousands later. I WAS WRONG... I GUESS SADDAM WAS INSANE AFTERALL. According to Rumsfeld, Cheney, et al, Saddam Hussein had horrific weapons of mass destruction. Saddam was such a threat to use these terrible weapons, we had to send a few hundred thousand of our finest over to Iraq to take care of him. Saddam knew we were coming. He knew the most lethal military force the planet has ever seen was knocking on his door. He knew that he was done for. So, knowing all that, what did this outrageous lunatic do to defend himself? He didn't use any of them! The hawks were right, Saddam Hussein is insane. STILL BEFUDDLED... I'm still amazed that stuff like this isn't front page news. Seriously. The Clintons peddle some power and influence to make a little money on Whitewater and it haunts them to this day, yet today's people in power operate with clear conflicts of interest, and hardly a peep from the media. What ever happened to the "liberal" media bias? So what if Richard Perle resigned as Chairman of the Defense Policy Board... he's still on the board!!! These guys names, faces and checkbooks should be dipped in the spilt blood of coalition military grunts. OSAMA WHAT'SHISNAME... So let me get this straight... not only can we not catch this guy and some of his cronies, but now we can't even keep the ones we do catch? Smooth.. very smooth. Thursday, April 10, 2003
IT'S JUST BASEBALL... The powers that be at Major League Baseball proving once again that they still don't have a clue. P.S... You gotta love the way Robbins phrased the closing of his reply... Wednesday, April 09, 2003
FUTBOL KEEPING ME YOUNG... Every once in a while, I need days like today. As you all know, I live in D.C., work my job, live my "twenty-something" life, and do the best I can to make my way through life and avoid the quarter-life crisis that has smashed so many of my friends. How do I do it? Days like today. I rolled into work this morning ready for a relatively light day. Without getting into too many boring details, my work schedule revolves around financial news and financial earnings reports. During the reporting period, about four months out of the year, my schedule is so slammed that I don't have much of a social life. The other eight months, the sked is relatively calm. The next reporting period begins Monday, so this week is what I affectionately refer to as "the calm before the storm". So I fired up my computer this morning, surfed my usual web sites, and then stumbled onto what would become my one-day mental vacation... Champions League Futbol! Not just Champions League Futbol (Soccer), but Real Madrid hosting Manchester United at Estadio Bernabau in the quarterfinals. It was only 9:30am, but I immediately began planning to make an early escape from the office to catch the 2:45pm kickoff. 2:20pm - I checked in with my boss and gave him some BS about having to run some errands, then told my assistant James that I would be out for the rest of the day. If anything important popped up, I told him to hit me on my cell phone. 2:44pm - CRISIS! In the Washington area, the Capitol Lounge on Penn Avenue is my standby soccer bar. Cap Lounge doesn't open until 3:00. 2:44 and 15 seconds pm - Plan B. Time to head for Summer's on Wilson Boulevard. Though Summer's is an even more illustrious soccer bar (and in my neighborhood), I've never watched footy there; mainly because the lines to get in during the World Cup last summer were so ridiculous (three hours). It was too popular. But the game was about to kickoff and I knew Summer’s was open all day, so I had to give it a shot. 3:04pm - I feed the parking meter next to Arlington Courthouse, and then hustle down the street to Summer's. Though Summer's is a soccer bar, it was still a Tuesday afternoon, so I didn't figure it would be too crowded. WRONG! The place is standing room only. 3:06pm - As I order my first ale from the barman, I see the score is already 1-0 Real Madrid. I ask the guy next to me how they scored, and he tells me that Figo scored on what looked an awful lot like a cross. This guy was a Real Madrid fan, so long as Real was on top, he wouldn't have cared if it was an own goal. 3:16pm - Raul nets a second goal for Real. I celebrate and slap high fives with my new buddy David (DAH-veed). 3:30pm - Halftime. Miraculously, the two guys in front of David and I vacate their seats. We slide right up and order some grub. David knows John (the barman) and the guy on the other side of me, Clarence. We start to BS and I come to learn that they are all in a Champions League fantasy soccer pool sponsored by Summer's. David is the envy of all because he drafted Ronaldo. 3:49pm - Raul nets another. Real Madrid 3 - Manchester United 0. Doesn't help David in his pool, but we are all happy. 3:51pm - Ruud Van Nistelrooy gets one back for Man U. John the barman celebrates quietly. Apparently he had Ruud in the pool. 4:04pm - John and Clarence ask me how I came to be a Real Madrid supporter. Though most people like Real because they have all the stars and win all the time, I explain that it has more to do with having been there. My first legitimate futbol game in Europe was a Champions League game at Estadio Bernabau in September of 2001. I always knew they were good, but one taste of the Real atmosphere and I was hooked. 4:20pm - The game ends and Real Madrid have a commanding lead going into the return leg at Old Trafford in a fortnight. I was planning on heading home after the final whistle, but David and Clarence inform me that Summers will show the other quarterfinal match between Ajax and AC Milan next. The games were actually played simultaneously, but Summer's picks up the delayed broadcast on satellite. Sweet! 4:24pm - The owner of Summer's, whose name I didn't catch, walks up and asks if we saw the score for the upcoming game. When I say no, he explains that they have a computer that keeps the score of the Ajax-AC Milan game off the screen and the ticker during the Real Madrid-Manchester United game. I don't really understand the technology of it, but I'm still stoked I never saw the score. John O'Brien is about to become the first American to play in the Champions League quarterfinals (I think), so I'm damn glad I don't know the score! 4:30pm - As I return from a jaunt to feed my parking meter, the Ajax-AC Milan game kicks off. I must say, I'm a bit awed by what must be going through Johnny O's mind. Surely he is a seasoned pro, but does he know how envious every other American footy player is of him? 4:50pm - The pace of the game is fast, but the conversation is faster. Clarence is clearly an Ajax fan. The guy knows the name of random guys in their youth program. I know the Ajax youth program is storied, but I couldn't name a single player in the youth program of ANY club... from ANY country! 5:00pm - David pumps his fist, celebrating the fact that if he hadn't played hooky, he would only be getting off work just now! We all tip our pints to that. 5:07pm - Not only is John O'Brien playing in the big game, it becomes obvious that Ajax is playing through O'Brien. He's not just some role player. Probably 80% of their offensive runs are funneled through Johnny O on the left flank. I felt O'Brien was the most valuable field player for the United States side at the World Cup last summer. He never got the bogus "Captain America" publicity that Claudio Reyna got, but he was the classiest player in red, white, and blue. 5:15pm - Halftime. Ajax 0 - AC Milan 0. To the parking meter I go. 5:17pm - I return to the bar and quickly ascertain that people who worked all day today are starting to file into the bar. One girl approaches me and inquires about the result of the Real-Man U game. Bad news for her, a Man U fan, but her sorrow is quickly remedied by Clarence who offers her a beer and a seat with our crew. As David brags to her about our soccer-hooky day, jealousy oozes from her pores. 5:25pm – I was quite pleased with the French dip I inhaled earlier, so I order up a turkey melt from the menu. Terrible for my waistline, but I take solace in knowing that I am definitely setting a record… TWO meals in one soccer-watching sitting! 5:37pm - The youthful Ajax team has surprisingly controlled most of the action. They make mistakes in communication and anticipation that young teams make, but they are not out-classed. Nevertheless, none of their strikes find the back of the net. 5:46pm - David, Clarence, and I work our way into our “last pints of the day” as our new female accomplice, Mika, begins her second. 6:02pm - My god, I’ve been watching soccer at the bar for three hours. On a work day! 6:02 and 5 seconds pm – David, Clarence, Mika and I toast to the above revelation. 6:10pm – David, Clarence and I order our “last pints of the day… really”. Mika orders her fourth. 6:17pm – The final whistle blows. Ajax 0 – AC Milan 0. 6:25pm – David, Clarence, Mika, and I finish our last beers. We say our goodbyes and vow to meet again in a fortnight for the return leg of today’s matches. Four hours of soccer and four news friendships forged. 6:27pm – On the way home, the beauty of soccer is on my mind. Playing hooky made me feel good about being bad. It was just the mental holiday I needed, and it wouldn't have been the same without soccer. People in America want soccer to grow and get more popular. I don’t. Soccer fans have their own sub-culture in America, and I want to keep it that way. If soccer were mainstream, today might not have been possible. Plenty of bosses watched their employees like hawks the past two sets of Thursdays and Fridays trying to control the March Madness-induced long lunches and “doctor’s appointments”. Ditto for last Monday with the Opening Day of baseball. When a big soccer match is on, corporate America is clueless, so I’m free to cut out of work and watch it whenever possible. No one suspects a thing and I’m not expected to be anywhere… except at Summer’s. Tuesday, April 08, 2003
ONE SHINING MOMENT... Despite a rather suspect start (read: near blowout), last night's NCAA Men's basketball championship game ended up being quite the nail-biter. Syracuse jumped out to a big lead, but Kansas rallied and shot long on a last second attempt to tie the game. For those of you who turned it off after the final buzzer, you missed the most memorable moment of the Big Dance. CBS continued its coverage with post game interviews of Jim Boeheim and his victorious Orangemen. Right up to that moment, the highlight of the tournament had been the Arizona-Gonzaga thriller in the tournament's second round. Cut to Bonnie Bernstein outside the Kansas locker room preparing to interview a clearly dejected Jayhawks head coach Roy Williams. Bernstein began with the usual questions about the game and the emotions... Williams gave her the standard, respectful answers, "Our kids played their hearts out... I'm lucky to have been able to coach young men like Kirk Hinrich and Nick Collison... Hats off to Syracuse... Yadda, yadda, yadda..." Then Bernstein did her job and asked Williams about the Carolina job. Williams kept his cool, but let Bernstein know he was growing tired of all the questions, "You know, people don't believe me, but over the past few days, I haven't cared a flip about Carolina. I know you are just doing your job, but I think its insensitive to be asking stuff like this when I am here with this tremendous group of guys." Then Bernstein asked for it. "If The Tar Heels offered the job, would you take it?" "I know you think you are doing your job, and I know you have someone in your ear telling you to ask that question, but I just wish you would realize how insensitive it is to be asking that question. To tell you the truth, I could give a shit about North Carolina right now. I've got 13 kids in that locker room that I love," fumed Williams before ending the interview. Cut to Greg Gumbel, Clark Kellogg and Tom Izzo at their courtside studio. Gumbel has been in dire need of a new hair style for about a decade. At that moment he was in need of a new pair of shorts. Talk about One Shining Moment. Monday, April 07, 2003
WHAT A CONCEPT!!! Though this article about traveling in Paris this spring was refreshingly balanced, this passage from the second page left me shaking my head... "Since the war, we've been gauging every day whether we felt safe," says Salwasser. "My husband really wanted me to cancel. Because of the media, we were led to believe there would be trouble," says Blodgett. "I was told that restaurant owners would tell American customers to go away," says Pavlina. "Heard it from the flight attendant." The group has plotted a strategy to guarantee a smooth Parisian sojourn. "We all talked before the trip and we decided we'd be polite and courteous and patient [with the French]," explains Salwasser. "We came here to experience a foreign culture, not America. I think people here can separate between my nationality versus my government." Wow! What a concept! I'm sure glad this group of women talked before the trip and decided they'd be "polite and courteous and patient" when traveling to a foreign country. THE DRAMA CONTINUES... Can you believe it? Connecticut versus Tennessee in the NCAA Women's Hoops Tournament title game. Yep... #1-seed versus #1-seed. Friday, April 04, 2003
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
ALWAYS BEEN A FAVORITE... Call him crude. Call him dirty. But don't call him unfunny. Ladies and gentlemen, the ramblings of George Carlin... If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea. . Does that mean that one enjoys it? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? CHIC DIXIE... I know I'm a bit late getting to this one, but the whole hullabaloo about the Dixie Chicks really cracks me up. If history offers us any education, Natalie Maines has nothing to worry about. Afterall, the last thing you want to be during one of America's overzealous times of "patriotism", is the feel-good musical inspiration of the moment. Just remember that during the last Gulf War, one singer's riveting performance of the National Anthem during the Super Bowl made her everyone's darling. Whitney Houston was top o' the charts. Ms. Maines... do you really want to be the next Whitney Houston? WOMEN'S HOOPS... The unfortunate side effects of the March Madness coverage ESPN provides with the likes of Andy Katz and Jay Bilas is that when I occasionally flip to ESPN looking for their comments, I tragically end up with the NCAA Womens' hoops tournament. Poor Karl Ravech. He's up there trying to spoon-feed some drama into a hopelessly dull "dance". Don't believe me? How about this... the phrase Ravech and the other commentators most often use in describing the lure of the tournament is parity. "You gotta love the parity in the women's game!" Huh? Are you kidding me? Look at the bracket (shamefully, I did for purposes of this post). A whopping two lower-seeded teams won first round games. Two out of 32. And one of those was a 9-seed beating an 8-seed!!! But wait... there's more. The drama continued even later in the tournament. The #1 and #2 seeds advanced to the final in every region. That's right... 8 out of 8 of the top seeds "survived" to the Elite 8. That's when Cinderella finally found her slipper. One of the #2 teams actually pulled off a "shocker" and advanced to the Final Four. Three #1 seeds and a #2 seed in the Final Four. You gotta LOVE the parity!!! ON DONALD RUMSFELD... No one could be happier about the second-guessing going on right now about Donald Rumsfeld than me. That guy has sickened me for quite some time. Sickened and saddened. Why does he sadden me? Because every time I look at him, I see some unhappy career diplomat/bureacrat who seems to be trying ever so desperately to prove himself to his peers. There's only one problem with that. His peers are people who retired from "the game" years ago. His act seems to be directed at them in some sort of pathetic attempt to convince them that "Hey, look at me. I always told you I could do it. Now I'm in power and your not. Neener neener neener!" Isn't the guy 70-something? Man, go retire and relax... if you are capable of doing so. Why does he sicken me? Because his act is so transparent. He needs to control everything and is never capable of admitting mistakes. I look at that as a serious character flaw. It's his way or the highway. He spins his web of lies and half-truths and expects everyone to believe him. Everything about his showy little press conferences is controlled. Ever seen a reporter get tough with him and press him for answers? I haven't either. That is by his own design. He calls on people he likes. That way he knows the softballs are coming. What is really comes down to, is that no matter how well Rumsfeld controls the current day media, history will be the ultimate judge. History will remember Rumsfeld as the second coming of Robert McNamara... without the late-in-life conscience. SURPRISED EVEN MYSELF... Opening Day + The Big A + U.S.A. mowed into the outfield grass + F-18 flyover + National Anthem = Warm Fuzzy |